Due to popular demand we are going to release a couple of gimp files every week,don't worry their is an inexhaustable supply so for your first taster let me take you back to December 1999

It was a stressful time with everywhere charging silly money to let you in on millenium night (Ashtons was charging £75) I had spent a good bit of the previous summer in Belmullet Co. Mayo with friends i had met on the building's and this seemed like a good bet for somewhere to spend the new year. Let me fast forward you to the big night itself,me and about 6 Cricklewood lads headed to the web nightclub for a night on the pull. All was go swimmingly and we had all recorded some success by the time the night was over gimp inc. The craic in Belmullet was after the web you would head to Snoopy's burger bar for the gossip and maybe to watch a scrap but it was at this point that i realised we were gimpless.

So anyway we were woken at 5am by the gimp coming home,the sight was one i will never forget, in artic conditions the gimp was wearing his jeans minus his socks but the cherry on the bakewell tart was the white Peter Rabbit Pyjama top he was wearing plus one side of his face had all the skin taken off, he looked like Chuckie from the Childplay movie.

Apparently he was just about to get his oat's when the young ladies father returned home prematuely, the shit hit the fan and the doris went mental saying he had to leave or her father would kill him,the gimp got dressed as quickly as he could  in the dark putting on the 1st clothes he could find before diving out of the window,headfirst Bodie & Doyle style onto the driveway where he promptly run like fuck until he could flag down a car to take him back to Belmullet town,what that driver seen that night must have mentally scared him for life.

It is worth noting that Belmullet is located in the least densley populated part of Western Europe and it is beleived the Gimp had managed to find himself some 15-20km's from base, in what can only be described as Baltic conditions the Gimp survived wearing only a bird's 'Jim Jam's top' thus blowing a massive hole in Darwin's 'survival of the fittest theory' of evoloution !

The Gimp's notoriously hairy back (see the picture above) may have being the key to him avoiding Hypothermia some experts in the field of science now beleive !

Still pissed in the morning he has then tried to crack on to one of the lads birds who was in the house, his idea of a subtle chat up line was

Alright Darling,don't suppose that there is any chance of the old na,na,na (slight stutter) New Years Day bunk up is there !

an offer that this poor Irish colleen chose to turn down

 

Mike Mccreedy of Pearl Jam on his recent U.S Tour

 

The Gimps Bride to Be !

 

A few years back one of our mates Paul Murphy was getting married so Cricklewood sent the biggest task force over to New York and Las Vegas that had left these shores since the Falklands War ( 25 lads in all ) and our secret weapon was of course the Gimp.

One night stands out and that was the night the Gimp almost got married to a 25 stone whale from Los Angeles whom he met that night in Vegas's Coyote Ugly Bar and his Best Man was none other than Mike Mcreedy of the Band Pearl Jam ! It wasn't really a pulling holiday as most of the lads were more concerned with the blackjack tables and the 24 hour drinking, yet the gimp was to change all that when he spotted this bird whom would have had to go onto a diet to get into the Roly Polys, she looked like Mandy Dingle before the slimfast photo.

I honestly think that this was the 1st time this bird had being shown any male attention in her life and the gimp could do no wrong,then this long haired bloke wanted to get involved in the craic our group was having who turned our to be the bloke from Pearl Jam,it soon became apparent that the Gimp was up to something,word spread that he had proposed and was of to one of Vegas's numerous 24 hour wedding chapels to get married, a story that was quickly verified. Mccreedy heard this and approached the gimp with an offer to be his best man "who the fuck are you" said the gimp, Mcreedy replied i'm the in the band Pearl Jam to which the Gimp retorted

"i don't care who you are but i'll let you be my best man but only if you get a fuckin round in for all the boys"

Mccreedy somewhat dumbstruck that his star status had carried no weight with the gimp duly carried out his best man's duty and purchased 25 bottles of Bud,when Mccreedy passed the gimp his drink the Gimp replied i'm on fuckin Corona not Bud now get back up the bar.

The next job was to find a chapel for the Wedding Service, we found one that opened at 4am it was now 2am but we decided to wait for our slot, yet the Bride to be's mate soon got hold of what was going on,there were tears and rows and by 3.30am they had managed to convince her to call the wedding off,we knew how close we'd come to getting the gimp married but the gimp still managed to save some face by consumating the relationship that night.

Copyright Broadway Celtic F.C 2005