The day the gimp started a row with former Ireland Manager Jack Charlton is the subject of today's Gimp file and we have to go back a few year's to 1999/2000 approx.

Broadway Celtic II's were sponsored then by the Glen pub Colindale and the landlord Alan Rowon decided to treat his power-drinkers by taking them to an evening with Jack Charlton Dinner and Speech.

All the faces from the team were there and about 5.30pm (Friday) we met in the Glen where the drink started flying,all suited and booted we headed off to the Guinness Brewery in Park Royal the venue for the evening and straight away we got stuck into the Harp or the Guinness.

After the dinner things got messy, Peter Butler was asleep in the toilets ,JA Roche was heckling Charlton's speech and there were a series of football's QPR's Rodney Marsh and Stan Bowles had signed that the lad's had brought for about £50 each that were flying round the room which hit a lady guest amongst other's on the head not to mention the one's that were landing in people's Profitorolls and chocolate sauce,basically we were acting like spastic's to a man.

Out in the foyer i could hear the other guests going mad and wanting us ejected,then the Gimp enters the fray.

Paul Murphy had been winding him up and the Gimp got up and grabbed Murphy by his long mop of hair when he wasn't looking and shook him like a rag doll.

Murphy then has caught the gimp square on the nose with a haymaker and there was claret everywhere, que the time for us to leave.

We were waiting for cab's to take us back to Cricklewood when the Gimp emerged from the toilet's looking like Rocky after the Clubber Lang bout.

Jack Charlton was milling round in the foyer ,posing for photo's etc when (and i will never forget this) the Gimp marched up to Charlton covered in blood where he proceeded to grab the 1966 WORLD CUP WINNER by the throat,

the Gimp then uttered the immortal words

OY CHARLTON, I WANNA A WORD WITH YOU !

How Charlton never clumped him i will never now,the Gimp was holding onto him for what seemed like an eternity and there was just this blank look on Charlton's face !

One of them moment's in your life which didn't really seem to be happening at the time but then the Gimp is really capable of anything as you will find out in future gimp files.

 

Gimp file 4

This Gimp file is probably the most famous but the true story has never being told,so sit back,read away and try to figure out just how the fuck these events managed to happen.

Its a balmy Friday night in June 2000 and the Gimp as usual headed out to the Crown and Ashtons for his normal Friday night tipple.What was different about this night though was that the Gimp was driving the 1.5miles from his  Dollis Hill home to Cricklewood in a brand new LDV beast of a van having passed his test just 4 weeks earlier.

As was usual the gimp went the Crown then Ashtons nightclub where he got pissed but nothing to bad for the Gimp for as his friends would testify Friday night was the Gimp's night,he could hold his own on Fridays,it was Saturdays and Sundays when D.M would don his cape and turn into Supergimp.

On Saturday morning the Gimp went to Cricklewood to retreive his LDV van so he could get a handy Saturday Shift in for his employer's London Electricity,for this he would have to drive to Loughborough Junction near the Elephant & Castle though the Gimp was running late and chose to dodge a red light outside Ashtons and as he was passing the Crown he got the tug from the 'old bill' and was pulled over where he was breath-tested and found to be 3 times over the limit.

He had to leave the van there outside the Crown as he had to go to Kilburn 'nick' for another test which proved positive as well. The warrant officer charged the gimp with drink driving and sent him home to await a court date.

The Gimp drowned his sorrows on the Saturday and on the Sunday he came to my neices first holy commuium in the Corrib Rest Queens Park where i watched as he consumed 6 pints of lager (his only drinks that day). We headed of to the Claddagh Ring knowing the Gimp couldn't come as he was barred for pinching women's bums and at 9.15pm we dropped the gimp home safe in the knowledge that he'd be fit for work and as he still had not appeared before a court he was still legally in a position to drive the LDV van.

Morning came and the Gimp headed off to the Crown to pick the van up,as traffic was heavy he thought to avoid the A5 ( Cricklewood Broadway) by turning down a Rat Run (Walm lane NW2)

As he headed down the rat run another car was coming towards the Gimp so the Gimp decided to pull into a space to allow the other car to pass,as the Gimp steered into the space he went to brake but he hit the Gas Pedal where he proceeded to HAUL ASS smashing into all before him and thus doing the following £40,000 of damage

A brand new VW Beetle (destroyed)

A family Saloon make unknown (pretty badly fucked up)

And of course his own GIMPMOBILE which was fucked pretty bad as well.

The Police came and the Gimp was Breath tested where dispite not having drunk for 11.5 hours he was found to be 2.5 times over the limit,once again he was carted of to Kilburn 'nick' where the same desk sergeant who charged him on Saturday morning had the pleasure of charging (much to the coppers disbelief) of drink driving for the second time within 48 hours.

The gimp walked into the Cricklewood Trades Hall that evening where a large crowd had gathered to welcome home their fallen hero (and to watch England v Portugal in euro 2000) to mass cries of THE GIMP,THE GIMP,THE GIMP IS ON FIRE !

The gimp was later banned by the courts from driving for 3 years though if the Gimp attended a drink awareness course this would be reduced by 9 months.The Gimp agreed to this and as part of his therapy was asked to sit down with a therapist to work out an action plan about how he could drink less, the conversation went somthing like this

So D.M how about if you take less money out to drink with ?

Gimp - Well i just borrow money of Rooney,Gilbride or Brennan !

So how about if you went out later ?

Gimp - I'd just go home later !

So how about if you drank half pints ?

Gimp i'd just drink twice as many half's plus i'm not having people think i'm a POOF !

The Gimp as result of all this was forced to resign from his job as a cable jointer which he had since leaving school,this led to some extradordinary events at his next job which i will tell you about in Gimp File 5.

For part 5 we have a look at the Gimps life after he got the sack for drink driving

The Gimp was out of work so in order to fund the lifestyle he'd become accustomed to he needed to find a job,the Gimp was supposed to go over to OZ to meet up with his best mate Darren Gilbride and had taken out a £5000 bank loan to cater for this but with the Gimp not working the pot was running dry.

Mike Riley a well known local business man was suppling labour to local building firms and he just needed the Gimp to turn up in order to get paid (like a recruitment agency)

So one Monday the Gimp and a young Bosnian lad who spoke excellent English were taken to this building site by Mr Riley and were put to work by the Irish Foreman.

A couple of days later Riley returned to find out how his 2 young labourers were progressing.Whilst walking round the site he asked the Foreman was he happy with the 2 lads he'd sent out to which the foreman replied whilst poining at the Bosnian

That buck over there is a good timekeeper and a dilligent worker and i'm very happy with him

Then he pointed to the Gimp

I don't think much of that Bosnian whats his name

er, er, erm, Mad-ie-can (Madigan) though,

He always looks hungover and his English is very poor ! 

and with that the Gimp received his card's ..................................