19/ At a recent wedding in Kerry the Gimp got totally spasticated, come the wedding he was completely fucked so the lads decided to do a runner and get a cab to the church whilst he was having one of his many shits of the day.

The Gimp came out of the toilets to find the bar empty, he surveyed the scene for a moment before he turned to the barman and asked in his own forthright way

Where's all my fuckin mates !

To which the barman replied, they've all gone to the wedding in Castleisland 16 miles away

The Gimp paused and then asked - where's my fuckin hotel

The barman pointed to the comfort inn hotel literally 5 yards over the road, your hotel is there, on the other side of the road !

To which the Gimp responded - Get me a fuckin Cab !

20/ The Gimp eventually turned up to the wedding after the meal. he was he in such a state that everybody was staying clear of him including his usual buddies who were getting grief even though the Gimp was there with an official invite from the bride Debra and Groom Mark Squarehead Kelly.

Darren Gilbride the gimp's best mate watched as the gimp went from table to table pissing everyone off till he found his way to the dancefloor where he was just a mess.
At this pont a middle aged woman took the Gimp's hand and started dancing with him. When this woman was still dancing with the Gimp 3 songs later we thought it was because the Gimp was harressing her so Gilbride went over to the lady and offered to take the gimp away.

Strangly the lady offered to keep dancing with the gimp saying to Gilbride 'don't worry, i'll keep him for a while' a decision that bemused us all,this was untill the next day when we spoke to the best man Danial Finnerty.

The woman the gimp was dancing with was Daniel's mum,she actually though that the Gimp was mentally handicapped rather that just pissed, she even thought he was blind from the way he kept staring all over the shop when he was trying to dance and she thought she as doing everyone a favour, it could only happen to the Gimp.

21/ The gimp returned from the wedding and went back to work joining electricity cables for Brown Mcnicholous,as they had no work for the Gimp they (brown mc's) put the Gimp with another 2 man gang consisting of Mick Sullivan from Kilburn and some Essex bloke who likes Bob Marley if you get my meaning.

The agent (supervisor/manager) came along to inspect the job and was surprised to see 3 men rather than the normal 2 down the hole , he said to the Gimp you should get your little gang a name

to which the Gimp replied

Yeah ,we could be the knights of the Brown van (Mcnic's drive brown vans)
Mick could be Sir Drink-alot
The guy from essex could be Sir Sniff-alot
and i could be Sir Shit-alot

The agent went away completetly bemused as the Gimp had just basically grassed his 2 work-mates for contravening Brown Mcnic's strict Drugs and Alchohol policy, what a gimp !